Day by Day

 I am a woman who places great importance on maintaining balance in my life.  I pride myself on being a successful career woman able to juggle a demanding work schedule with being a mother and wife.  After the birth of my second child, I experienced difficulty managing the transition from being a working mother of one to a stay at home mother of two.  I felt lost, anxious and disconnected to this new life.  My balance was disrupted and I struggled with the adjustment of being a mother of two and all that it entailed.  I understood that it would take some time to find my bearings and that the lack of sleep, hormones and additional responsibilities I was facing would be a challenge.  I knew that I would have a difficult time adjusting at first and tried to go easy on myself.  I was fortunate to have a strong support system; friends and family offering assistance and a husband who was very understanding of the emotional roller coaster ride I was on.  I first discussed the topic of post-partum depression with my midwife two weeks after my son was born when it was suggested that I take some herbal supplements to improve my situation.  I took the supplements and found momentary peace of mind during the brief visits with friends who came by to visit the new baby and stayed for a coffee.  As the baby got older, the visits and offers of help slowed down.  I didn't feel as though the supplements I was taking were doing anything to change my outlook and found myself feeling increasingly disconnected to my life and everyone around me.  I screened my phone calls, stopped responding to emails and only left the house to take my daughter to and from school.  Often, I found myself crying for no apparant reason.  I was frustrated with my inability to will myself better.  I felt an overwhelming sadness that I couldn't be the mother that my children needed and felt that it was unfair that my husband had to pick up the slack for me.  I wore a uniform of mis-matched pajamas and had a permanent home on the couch.  It wasn't until I spent my 33rd birthday on the couch with the curtains drawn, crying and avoiding phone calls that I realized that I cannot will myself better.  I needed help.  I was tired of feeling this way.  My last visit with my midwife was two days later and I broke down in her office.  It was easy to relate to her as she told me of her personal experiences with post-partum depression and we shared a few tears together.  She had suggested that I talk to my family doctor for anti-depressants as that was what worked for her however, she was unable to write a prescription for me.  After discussing my situation with my family doctor, he was extremely understanding and provided me with a prescription for anti-depressants which I am currently on.  I was not offered counselling or provided with any support group information from either my midwife or my family doctor.  It was my understanding that these services either did not exist in our community or were seriously undermanaged.  My son is now five months old and although I am still on medication, I have more good days than bad.  I credit myself with being able to identify that something was wrong and with being strong enough to ask for help to deal with my situation.  Many other women are not fortunate enough to have a strong support system and may not be able to identify their feelings.  The stigma and shame that surrounds post-partum depression is extremely unfortunate and prevents many women from seeking the help they need to get better.  Our community needs to increase awareness of this issue as I know I am not alone in my struggles.  1 in 3 new mothers is affected by post-partum mood disorder.  I would love to see our community develop a peer to peer support system to help mothers overcome those feelings of guilt and helplessness by discussing their situation with someone who has experienced it first hand and am currently working with some of our community leaders to make this a reality.